Raging Rain
by Markanovanlink
Summary: Large circles full of tears fall from the sky hitting everything in its wake. Exploding into tiny soldiers of wetness, the rain is dominant and victorious over all objects and creatures below.
1. Chapter 1

**Raging Rain** Part 1

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Large circles full of tears fall from the sky hitting everything in its wake. Exploding into tiny soldiers of wetness, the rain is dominant and victorious over all objects and creatures below. I continued to look at the sky as the wet platoons invade my face. Their forces out numbered me, but I continue to stand through their onslaught. For a long time I have been finding myself in this position, as a stand alone soldier.

I am not use to it. I am use to fighting along the side of others. The others and I were always seen as terrorists, because we fought in the name of our beliefs. I saw us more as freedom fighters. I had to leave the others when I met _them._ Four lone soldiers that I now know as my friends and colleagues. We all control the greatest threat to the Federation and OZ; our Gundams.

My missions have changed since I met the other gundam pilots. It seems like I only fight with one, two or all of them nowadays. It is the lone missions that tear at my soul. The loneliness consumes my very being.

All my life, I have craved to be alone. But being alone has left me with too many demons to process. With others around, I can focus on them and not be destroyed by the empty feelings around me.

I am a soldier with a build-in mistake. I can sense what others can not. I can see what I shouldn't. I can feel what is not mine. With every kill, I feel the last moments of each soul. The pain, fear and desperation is not my own. Those feelings would consume and takeover my very being if it weren't for my love for peace and the other pilots.

My emotions are the biggest weakness of all. They have always been uncontrollable. Tears at every moment of great emotional turmoil or relief. Just like this rain, they never stop.

I feel that the others think I am weak and useless, but they never say it or show it, but I can feel it. So protective over me as if I were their own little bother. I am no little brother to them. I am a gundam pilot. My tears don't make me weak. They make me human. Life is so precious to me. Every life: my family's, my friends', and even my enemies'.

So precious is life that I have always asked for my enemy to surrender. Killing is only necessary for peace and the safety of myself and others. I can feel my enemy now. He stalks me from behind. Ten feet from behind to be exact. His intentions are to blindside me and take me back alive. He believes I am unaware of his presence, but the truth be known that I was unaware of what was about to happened.

A gunshot rang out. The noise sliced through the rain and thunder. Then came the piercing pain through my heart. I fought back the tears and bit my lip to ensure victory over my own emotions. After two seconds, the pain was gone. It was over. He never had a chance.

I could hear his footsteps come closer to me. He stands next to me while he tucks his gun into its holder. Nothing but silence. Then, finally he speaks. His words were drowned out by the thunder. He spoke again. "Are you okay?" I only nodded my answer. I couldn't understand why, at that moment in time, I couldn't speak. He walked ahead of me and motion for me to follow. For some reason I couldn't. I couldn't move or talk. I didn't even realize he was standing in front of me, looking me dead in my eyes. His green eyes seem to narrow as he said something again. I still couldn't hear him. With a hint of frustration evident in his eyes, he spoke again.

What was wrong with me? I felt as if I was in a daze. Why couldn't I comprehend what he was saying? A flash of lighting ripped through the sky as I felt a strong blow to my face. Instinctively, I placed my fingers on my cheek.

If he wanted my attention, he sure as hell got it. Did he really have to slap me to get? I glared at him as he yelled something at me. He started running, and I followed. We ran through the rain and in between trees. We jumped over fallen logs and rocks. We crept past paved and dirt roads. We ran in the shadow of other shadows. We ran and ran for what seemed like hours.

Finally, he stopped. Before I could bump into him he yanked me down into a crouching position. I watched him scan the area. My lips decided they could function now, "No one is here, it is safe." He looked at me and nodded. Grabbing my wrist he pulled me towards the abandon cabin.

Once inside we checked every nook and cranny for any possible threat or supply. It was only a one bedroom cabin with a living room and a kitchen. After finding what we needed, he started a fire in the chimney. I sat as close as I could to the warm flames. In the distance I could hear him shifting through things but my mind was elsewhere as I watched the fire dance on the wood.

I was on a simple mission to blow up an enemy's military bunker. I went in without being seen and disintegrated it when all the soldiers were asleep. After I took off into the woods, it started to rain. I am not sure why I stopped in the middle of a clearing to process my thoughts, but I did. My stopping caused that soldier's death. Trowa would not have had a reason to kill him if I had been more secrete. The thing that troubles me the most is why didn't I know he was there in the woods with me?

I normally can sense the other gundam pilots from miles away, but not tonight. I had no idea he was even on Earth. Well I guess it was always hard for me to sense Trowa after I nearly killed him last year. Sometimes I could and other times I couldn't. Only when he was next to me did I really feel and sense him. His presence was almost like a safe emotional pillow. I never felt this strange overwhelming feeling with anyone else. I'm not sure what to think of it.

I didn't realize he was standing behind me holding a blanket. He wanted me to take off my wet clothes so they could dry. I kept my eyes downcast as I removed my jacket and shirt. I could feel his eyes on my wet naked back as I took off my pants and underwear. After removing my socks, he placed the large dusty blanket around me. I watched as he hung up my clothes near the chimney. I also watched as he removed his own clothes. I am not sure why I am even watching him do this. I guess I didn't realize I was staring when he questioned me. "Do you like what you see?"

"Um, I'm sorry." I quickly said as I turned my face away in embarrassment. What is wrong with me? I was looking at him as if he were a naked woman. I felt my body react to the thought. I pulled the blanket tighter around myself. I could feel him sit next to me wrapped in his own blanket. He was so close.

"Quatre?"

"Yes, Trowa."

"I am sorry I hit you." A dead silence followed after he said that as we both watched the fire. The only noises inside the cabin was the sound of heat crackling against its wooden victims in the fireplace, our breathe and my own rapid heartbeat. Something is wrong, but I don't know what. My heart is beating so fast that I can not breathe. I was trying hard not to show my distress but he turned towards me with his eyes as if they were the question. I clutched my chest in pain as my mind screamed no.

Fear gripped my soul as if it were ready to pull me from my body. The emotion started to die down as I felt a sense of concern rush through. These weren't my emotions. They had to be his, but why? We are safe here. Why is he so scared and what is he scared about? Is he holding me?

He was holding me close as he asked me if I was okay. I nodded but he didn't let me go. I am not sure why I didn't try to move. It felt safe, strange, but safe. He was one of my closest friends and was the only person who understood what I went through with this strange ability I have. He never held me before, than again I have never had this type of reaction without death being involved. My mind was racing until I decided on a question that would ease some of the tension. "Why are you here? The mission only needed one person."

Still holding me he sighed and shifted so we were eye to eye. "I had to see you." There were never any facial expressions whenever he talked, so I was surprised that he looked sad. I finally asked him why as he looked away from me. All I got was silence, but I could feel the fear again.

I pushed him away from me and stood up. I walked towards the fireplace, firmly wrapped in the blanket I stared at him for moment. I sighed as I got my own thoughts together. "Silence is not going to answer my question Trowa. Why did you have to see me? Is there something wrong?" My questions started to scare me. I felt a panic as I continue to talk. "Are the others okay? Is that why you are here? Did something bad happen?" My eyes narrowed as he stood up and let a small laugh escape. I didn't get the joke and this made me angry. Before I could say anything else, he was standing in front of me. If he had been half of an inch closer, our noses would have touched. I felt a bit uncomfortable and surprised by his current position.

"You are always worried about us." I could feel his breathe as he spoke. "No, that is not why I am here. Everyone is okay. I am here because I had to see you." After saying that, he tried to break the distance in between us, but I backed away. Once my back was against the wall that was adjacent to the fireplace, I froze as he placed his left hand on the wall next to my face. He leant in closer to my face and looked me straight into my eyes. "I have to tell you something," he said as he put his right hand on my cheek. I couldn't move a muscle or a thought as he ran his thumb over the light bruise on my face. My body felt tense and hot as he moved his mouth towards my left ear and whispered.

Shock racked through my mind. I must have heard him wrong. He didn't say what I think I heard. No, he just couldn't have. I find myself saying what out loud only to receive the same sentence. This time he added my name. "I want you, Quatre."

"You want what from me?" It took all my strength to say that. I felt the room spinning as he broke the little space we had left. He lightly placed his lips on mine as he pulled me into an embrace. Shock took over my very body as he kissed me. I am not sure if I like it or not, but I didn't move. I could feel him press against me while my own body ached to do the same. What in the name of all that is right is wrong with this picture? We are males and they aren't suppose to do this. I can't do this. My beliefs, my culture and my family would forbid any such actions.

I pushed him away as hard as I could. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. So many emotions that I not sure if they are mine or his. The strongest feeling was confusion. I raced towards my gun and aimed it at him while still trying to keep the blanket over my body. He smirked and put both his hands in the air causing his blanket to fall to the ground.

I fought for control over my body's reactions to seeing him before me naked and helpless. I had never experienced this with my own body before. I felt this feeling from others when they lusted after something or someone. I was captured by a soldier one time and felt sick when those feelings for lust were directed at me.

Now it was my turn to feel these feelings on my own. I thought they would only happen for a woman. No, I am lusting for this naked boy in front of me. Then the gun slipped from my grip and landed on the floor making a loud banging sound. I just stared at the gun on the ground. I didn't move or say anything as Trowa picked it up and pulled the clip out. After placing the gun on the table, he slid the clip across the floor.

I didn't even know he was holding me again. What is wrong with me? Why was I letting him hold me like this? I am not gay. Or am I? He held me tighter as I felt my body go through confused sobs. I couldn't help it. I cursed at myself for crying at this moment. Any moment but this moment. When my knees gave out, he helped lower me to the floor. I buried my face on his naked chest as uncontrollable tears ran out. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He sighed and held me tighter. "Because, you had to know how I felt about you. I need you in my life Quatre. I can't let you go until you understand me."

I started to struggle, but he wouldn't let me move. I found myself screaming at him. "Let me go! I am not gay!"

"Damn it Quatre!" He grabbed my face with both hands and stared me down. "Neither am I! All I know is that I feel like our souls belong together. You know, you feel it too!"

I stared back in disbelief. I will admit we have a very strong bond. The empty feeling when I am alone could be the lack of his presence. Is this true, am I gay? "Trowa I feel something, but I don't think it is the same…I…" He kissed me again, but I didn't stop him this time.

I took the kiss with all my senses. The smell of his skin, taste of his lips, feel of his body, sound of his breathing, sight of his face and the sensation of his emotions. I felt as if I could merge with him and become one and the same. He slowly withdrew his lips and watched me with his forest green eyes.

My breathing was slowing down as I placed my fingers to my lips. He smiled at me and said, "Did you feel it?" I could only nod. I did feel it. I felt complete. Before he could say something else, gunfire rang through the windows and walls of the cabin.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Raging Rain 2**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Loud cracking and popping noises came from tiny missiles that launched themselves through the old wooden cabin. I felt one buzz past my ear as I was roughly pulled to the ground. I could see Trowa mouth the words "stay down" through clenched teeth as he crawled towards the fire place. My eyes widen when he put his hand in the fire. He had managed to grab a flaming log and fling it towards the door of the cabin. Within seconds, the door was engulfed in flames that started to spread to the window and walls of the cabin.

The fire had seemed to cause the gunfire to momentarily stop. I instinctively went for my gun but Trowa grabbed me by the arm and said, "we have to leave now." I was able to grab it before he drug me to the back of the cabin. We ran madly through the woods. I held on tightly to the wet blanket as my feet were being cut by rocks and sticks. It was cold, dark, wet…and wait…we are both running naked!

I slammed right into a wet naked back. Trowa had stopped running and never flinched as I ran into him. When he turned to face me, I realized he was holding our damp and wrinkled clothes. I felt myself moan in frustration as we picked through the rain soaked fabrics in a rush. I dropped my blanket and vigorously pulled my pants up my legs. He wasn't able to get my shirt or jacket so I pulled the blanket around my shoulders again.

I watched as Trowa slid into his black turtle neck and pants. The rain clad fabric made it a chore for him. Neither of us had socks, shoes or jackets. I cant wait to get out of this mess so I can take a bath and put on some boxers. The way these wet pants were clinging to my externals made me feel real uncomfortable. As Duo would put it, I was 'free ballin'(1).

We started running again. My feet were going numb with pain and cold. Does he even know where he is going? Pavement…I feel pavement under my feet. Our running decreased into a slow walk as we walked pass useless gas pumps. My guess, this is an old abandon gas station. My eyes scan the area as I raised the frost biting metal in my hand. The gun's surface made my skin numb. Numb or not, I have to stay alert at all times. Any moment can be one's last during a time of war.

We crotched down in front of a pump. We allowed ourselves a moment to rest as we looked around with our eyes. The only things present were a few pumps and concrete. I closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them, Trowa took off in a run. I bit my lip so I wouldn't yell out his name. I ran after him. What the hell? Where is he…a truck…he found an old pickup.

I put my hand on the rusty red hood of the pickup truck so I could catch my breath. I watched as Trowa opened the door of the truck and got in. I am positive that if it was unlocked it wouldn't work. But you cant say that to a mechanic. Trowa popped the hood and started to tinker with the engine.

I walked around the back of the truck and opened the passenger's side door. I climbed in and closed it. I sank into the cold leather seat as if it was a hot bath. A hot bath would be lovely right about now. As I tried to look through the rain ravished windshield, the engine started to sputter. Did he have any tools in his hands when he got out? When you are really hungry, tired and cold, attention to detail seems to be impossible. Everything that just happened in the last few hours felt like a blur.

As Trowa continued his work on the truck, I opened the glove compartment. Inside were some old tattered papers and a big hunting knife. I picked up the weapon and squeezed the green rubber handle. This feels much better than my gun. I put the gun in the glove compartment and closed it.

Just then, the vehicle started. Trowa slammed the hood and hopped into the truck. I was impressed. He fixed an engine with no tools and a burnt hand. Oh wow, I can really be a blonde sometimes. I forgot about his arm. As he closed the door, I reached for his arm.

"Let me see."

"I am fine. Are you okay?"

"I am okay, just give me your arm." He sighed and let me pull his sleeve up. "Does it hurt?" I am not sure why I said that. It seems that people always ask that dump question when others are hurt.

"Not really."

"It seems that you only burnt the palm of your hand. I am going to wrap it, okay." He nodded as I picked up the hunting knife. I used it to start a tear on the blanket. With my hands, I ripped some fabric off and started to wrap Trowa's hand. As I wrapped his hand, his fingers would touch…more like caress my hand. This made me feel weird so I hurriedly finished.

"Thank you," was all he said. He put the truck in gear and we took off. We rode in silence for ten minutes. The silence started to cause a swarm of questions to bombard my mind. Trowa kissed me. I kissed him back. Am I gay? Does kissing him make me gay? How can I be gay? What can a man do with another man? How can a man be with another man? Why do I feel so confused?

Okay, if a man is gay that means he is attracted to other men. The question I should really be asking myself is; am I attracted to Trowa?

I closed my eyes and thought about the kiss we shared. I liked how his lips felt against mine. It felt good when he pulled me close to him, but do I find him attractive? I opened my eyes and glanced at his face. His eyes are beautiful. I am really drawn to them. There is so much emotion in them. Those green orbs tell stories his face and voice wont.

What am I doing? I cant be gay. My culture wouldn't allow such behavior. I could disgrace my family's name and tarnish my father's memory. What about my faith? Killing is wrong, but I do it in the name of peace. Oh Allah, how am I to be judged?

I sigh inwardly and pull the cold wet blanket closer to my body. The sound of raging rain explodes against the windshield as old wipers defensively squeak against the evasion. "I'm sorry." His voice was so low that I almost didn't hear him.

"For what?"

"Endangering you and your mission for my own personal reasons."

"Look, it's okay. Lets just pretend none of this ever happened." Maybe that was the wrong thing to say because he veered the pickup off the road and into a ditch. "What the hell! What's wrong with you?" I was furious. We are on the run from soldiers and he wants to act like this. Irrational! I glare at him only to receive a smirk.

"We have a flat. You can amuse me with the other reason you thought I pulled over." He opened his door and hopped out to go check on the tire. I feel so embarrassed right now. I didn't mean to yell at him or accuse him of being irrational. Maybe I am becoming irrational. I don't know what is going on in my mind right now. All I know is that I am confused.

I open the glove compartment and retrieve my gun and place both my weapons in the pockets of my pants. I open my door and step out onto the muddy dirt and rocks. I hate not having my shoes. I closed the door and pull the blanket tighter around me as I approached him.

He hit the flat tire with an old rusty crowbar as he mumble the words, "no spare." The rain made it hard to see his face. I coughed as I reached into my pocket. I handed him the hunting knife and started to walk away from him and the truck.

I needed sometime to myself. I need to think. My stomach starts to growl and ache. I sigh again and wished I had a turkey sandwich or something. I think back to the times when all of us had hid together.

Our hideaways would sometime include a kitchen, which would inspire Duo to buy food that he didn't know how to cook. One of us always ended up cooking instead. I must say that Trowa was the best cook. Wufei would be next in line and Heero…well lets just say, don't let him cook any meats.

Its funny you know, until now I never noticed how even food could show how one feels about you. I thought about every meal I have eaten by the others and then I think about how Trowa fixed my meal. He was the only one who would prepare something different for me due to my religious diet. Duo loved pork and pork products, but I am not allow to eat such meats. I don't ever remember telling him or any of them for that matter what my religion was, but somehow Trowa always knew.

Do we have a special connection? Maybe it is more than just the sin of the flesh. Oh Trowa, how have I allowed you to tempt me so?

After three miles of walking in this damn rain, I turn around to see if he had followed me. He wasn't there. Nothing but dark road and rain. I continue to walk and wonder where he could be. He will be okay. He is a Gundam pilot.

I sneeze as two headlights come into view. I extend my arm and place my thumb in the air. Yes I am hitchhiking. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do in order to stay alive. Right now I am cold, lost, tired and hungry. What would you do?

The car drives pass me and starts to slow down. I run up to the lowering passenger side window. The owner of the beat up caddie asks me where I am heading. "A nearby rest stop."

"Get in, I will take you to the one up the road." I say thanks as I get in and put my seatbelt on. The driver says his name is Bob and he is a truck driver. He is a heavyset middle aged man with a gray and brown goatee that surrounds an ocean of freckly red skin. His hat, flannel shirt, and pants screamed truck driver.

"So what in the Sam's Tar hills are you doing out here in this weather?"

"I was carjacked."

"Sorry to hear that. Did they take all your money too?"

"Yes, my shoes and the shirt off my back. I am just lucky that is all they did. I wasn't injured or anything."

"I see. You know someone like you shouldn't be riding alone on a highway like this. There are no towns or rest stops for miles." My heart starts beating faster as I listen to him speak. One, he lied about the rest stop being up the road. Two, I feel his bad intentions towards me.

I start to smile at him as I respond. "Then I am thankful that you have gone out of your way to help a stranger." I want to think better of people. I hope he doesn't try anything.

"Well maybe you should show me how grateful you are." When he places his hand on my thigh, my heart is overcome with all his disgusting lustful emotions. I want to throw up and get as far away from him as possible. I instinctively put my hand in my pocket and finger the gun.

"This is far enough thank you. I can walk the rest of the way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I really appreciate what you have done so far." He pulls over to the side of the road and shuts the car off. He stares at me while I take off my seatbelt. I mumble, "thanks for the ride," as I try to open the door. Of course the door doesn't open and the lock doesn't work. I remember this one night that me and Duo stayed up and watched this horror movie about a guy who would kill blonde female hitchhikers. How ironic?

"Why are you in such a rush? It's pouring outside you would be safer in here, with me."

"Look, I don't want to start any trouble. Just let me out."

"You know, you are real demanding. I find that sexy." What the hell is wrong with everyone today. Am I on the menu or something? I don't want to be any one's boyfriend or victim. As he starts to come closer to me, I slap his hand away and demand to be let out again. I guess I am pushing him into doing the right thing.

He brings his hand back and rubs it with the other. "What the hell is that for?" I raise an eyebrow to his question but don't answer. How far would he go? Has he done this to other people? What would he do to have his way with someone? A hard fist to my face brought me out of my musing. "Look you little slut, I will be the one doing all the hitting around here."

I will admit to it, I didn't know he would punch me in the mouth. I guess I am being to careless or is it that I am not use to dealing with civilians. I am only use to dealing with soldiers. The only other people I have ever been around have been my family, servants, politicians, the Gundam pilots, Rasid and the others. This is real funny, not being able to know a pervert when I see one.

He hits me again, I am to tired to block his attack so I take it. He grabs me by the neck and pushes me against the seat and door. I don't fight or bring my hands up in defense. I am just waiting for the right moment. He fidgets with the side of my seat until it reclines all the way down. His grip on my neck starts to loosing as he climbs over me and onto my seat.

He lets go of my neck and starts to reach for his belt. He really is a dumb ass. I pull my gun out and place the barrel on his forehead. "Now, I am going to only say this once. Open your fucking door!"

_(1) Free ballin - The wearing of pants or shorts without any underwear on._

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	3. Chapter 3

**Raging Rain 3**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Special thanks to those who have expressed interest in this fic. I really appreciate the time it took you to review this fic. This fic is dedicated to Sekari Sumeragi, Big Sister, zodiac, Kami-Crimson, Airenko, Spencer Brown, Obey the Fluff, RogueRobin, Wessangel24, LastxExile, Jaded Soul, Modified Tam, apocalyptic infatuation, and Gloria B. Thanks for the support and encouragement.

**Read, Relax and Review.**

Lightening illuminates the dark sky as I press the barrel of my gun against Bob's forehead. "The door, open it now!"

Without taking his eyes off the metal that was biting into his skin, he whispered the words "I cant…not…not…from inside." I licked my chapped lips and smirked at him. I would like to remind myself I am not as harsh or as rough as Heero can be, but than again, who am I to stand in the way of instinct.

With my free left hand, I slammed Bob's face against the passenger side window causing it to shatter. Within a second, that very same hand reached awkwardly towards the outside car handle while my gun stayed trained on Bob's bloody head. When I lifted the car handle, I pushed my body hard against the door causing it to swing open wildly. After it swung open, I watched with sick satisfaction as his head fell from its previous resting place where the window use to be onto the wet and muddy ground. I pushed the rest of the pervert out of the car and slammed the door closed.

I sighed and hopped over into the driver's seat. I am not sure if I should leave now or deal with him. What if he has done this to children? What has he done? Thoughts raced in my head as I listened to him crawl away from the vehicle. I narrow my eyes, turn the key in the ignition and pulled it out of the starter. I opened the driver side door and placed my feet on the cold wet ground.

After slamming the door shut, I walked around the car's trunk and stopped to watch Bob crawl slowly away. The rain had stopped but the thunder and lightening continue to play tag in the heavens. I sniffed as I watched him crawl painfully through the rocks and broken glass shards laying on the ground. He must have hurt himself when he hit that window. Maybe I should see if I can help him.

I walk towards him with my gun in my right hand and place a bare foot on his back. "Going somewhere Bob? I thought you wanted to play?" I grabbed him by his flannel's collar and drag him towards the rear of the car. With his head against the license plate, I put the barrel of my gun into his mouth. "Now look Bob, all I want is for you to do as I say. Can you do that?" His face was covered with blood and mud but his eyes were filled with fear. His fear radiated through my body as I waited on his answer.

After he nodded his head, I removed my gun and sniffed again. "Okay, first things first. Remove your shirt." With a look of helplessness, he took off his flannel and handed it to me. "Good job, now I want you to lay face down on the ground next to the tire with your hands over the back of your head. Move over some more. Just a little bit to the left. That's good. Now stay still." I sniffed again as he slowly did what he was instructed to do. A strong smell hit my nose as I looked down at the shaky and crying form below me.

Did he just piss on himself? If Duo were here, he would be laughing up a storm right now. I smiled a little at the antics that this situation would cause if he were here. I put on the over size shirt and told the man not to move. It is so funny that a few minutes ago he was all tough and now he's crying like a baby.

I look at the key as I step over his body in order to face the trunk. With the gun in my left hand now, I keep it pointed at his head while running a thumb over the key that was in my right. I put the key into the rusty key lock and turned it. When the lock popped, I lifted the trunk.

I have seen many horrors during this war, but none quite like this. Not like this. I turned from the trunk and forced the man up by his hair. He was about my height so I didn't have to raise the gun in an uncomfortable position. I pushed him down on his knees in front of the trunk.

My emotions were running wild and his emotions didn't help the situation either. I felt out of control and dangerous. It was close to the time my father died. I have more control over myself now than I did then.

I tighten my grip on his hair as I pushed the gun against his temple. "How could you!"

"I'm sorry…I'm…sorry…don't…kill me!" The man sobbed away as I focused on the trunk. I was so overwhelmed in my shock, that I didn't noticed I had slammed the butt of the gun into his temple. I watched in horror as the man fell over. After five minutes of watching the motionless man, I dropped the gun and looked at the trunk again.

I wanted to throw up. I placed my hand over my heart and whispered Allah's name. What should I do? My eyes searched every detail of the trunk from the tools to the can of gas, but the only thing out of place was the small body.

I didn't want to get to close but I couldn't help but to look. He looked like he could have been around nine or ten. His arms and legs were duck taped. His clothes were torn and bloody. His face was bruised and covered by clear plastic which was duck taped around his head and neck.

Yes, I needed to throw up. I pulled myself away from the sight and over to the passenger side of the car. I threw up what was more like spit instead of any stomach contents. I wiped my mouth on the flannel sleeve and sneezed. I lent against the car door and held myself. I wanted this to be a nightmare that I would wake up from. I wanted this to be over.

I couldn't concentrate as the rain started to fall again. It fell with a fury that matched the inner turmoil I was feeling. How can someone get pleasure from killing children? I don't understand this world. I don't understand its wars and chaotic systems. Would peace change people like that or do they care if there is peace or chaos?

The sound of the rain, pounding against the ground and me, invaded my thoughts. The storm was heavy and loud. My heart banged in my chest as I thought about the millions of pedophiles out in the world and colonies taking advantage of children.

Then my thoughts turned back to the little boy in the trunk. Where was his mother and father? Did he have a home? Did he have a pet? What did the man…I don't want to know. An uncontrollable urge rushes through my senses as I start to walk back towards the trunk.

My mind dismisses the body as I reach for a crowbar laying across the dead child's feet. With the chilly and wet rusty metal in my hand, a cold and calculating voice vibrates through my soul. It is telling me to erase the threat and destroy any evidence of my involvement. The voice sounds so manufactured…so computer like.

This voice has haunted me since the day my father died. It was responsible…no, it encouraged my behavior when I destroyed those colonies and almost killed Trowa. It has been a struggle not to be overcome by that voice, but some days I am not so lucky.

But today, I welcome the voice. I walk towards the man and kneel beside him and lay the crowbar on the ground. The rain pours buckets of oversized raindrops over my head as I move the unconscious man into a sitting position. I sit behind him and grab the crowbar. I place the crowbar across the man's neck and hold it firm with both hands. I shout for the man to wake up as I shake him from side to side with the rusty metal.

When he moans, I stop my movements and wait. After a while, the man starts to struggle against me. He calls me every name in the book and says how he going kick my ass if I don't let him go. I let him struggle for awhile longer before I pulled the metal bar tightly against his neck. "Shut up!" My voice is harsh and raspy. He continues to struggle until I said I will snap his neck if he didn't calm down.

When he stilled his body, I loosen the bar on his neck. "I want to know who that boy is?" The voice inside my head corrects me mentally by saying "was." The only good thing about the voice was when it was present in my mind, my soul didn't react to the people around me. I didn't feel the emotions of others but I always felt cold and empty.

The man started to struggle and told me to go fuck myself. That's when it happened, that "snap" Duo is always talking about. He would tell me stories about soldiers who went to far with their interrogating and how he would just "snap." He would black out and moments later come back to his senses, but all those involved during these "snaps" were almost always dead.

The snap for me is when that voice controls every limb of my body and makes me a spectator to it. It is like an outer body experience. All I can do is watch and listen to myself react to the man. I feel detached and betrayed by my own body. I flinch as I watch myself speak that voice…that cold mechanical voice. "Your response is unacceptable."

I watch him gasp for air as the bar tightens around his neck. Stop…the man is unarmed…this is murder! I shouldn't have to scream at myself, but I do. I refuse to let someone or anything control me, especially my own mind.

A freezing sensation hits me as I realize I am holding the bar. I throw the bar and push the man away in order to get a better hold of myself. Why is this happening now? How could I have lose control of myself again?

Cold. I feel so cold right now. I wrap my arms around myself in order to fend off the cold and the tears that are threatening to fall. My emotions start kicking and screaming as a new wave of foreign ones enter my mind. I feel this sickness and nastiness wash over me. I need to throw up again.

I try to get up only to be knocked back down to the ground. Oh yeah, I forgot about Bob. He is standing over me and yelling. I'm not really sure what he is saying until he kneels in front of me and places my forgotten weapon under my chin. "Now whose in charge now you little bitch!"

He slaps me down onto the icy mud. Damn, it really is cold. I wish I was reading a good book right now. I would give anything to be reading in front of a fireplace while Wufei mediates beside me. Wufei has this calming ability while he mediates that makes me feel so warm and tranquil.

I feel the gun dig into my right temple as the man settles his weigh on me. He has to weigh more than my gundam. "That boy was a little street rat I picked up. He knew how to show me his gratitude."

I chose to keep silence as the trucker continued his tirade. All I could think about was Trowa and Duo. They lived on the streets at one point in their lives. Did they ever encounter people like this man? Man is a disrespectful word to describe this monster. I have no words for him. Maybe a few. Sick, nasty, horrible, disgusting…I know there's got to be more.

"Do you hear me you little slut?" I forgot he was still talking. I don't answer him as he gets closer to my ear and licks it. "I should fuck you raw in the mud." I need to throw up really bad. "But I aint gonna waste my dick on a little bitch like you."

He gets off of me and starts to kick me in my gut. When he stops, I can feel the true nature of my body's pain, hunger and tiredness. He pulls me up by my hair and makes me stand. I feel nausea and dizzy, but I stand on my own.

He steps back and points the gun at my head. Come to think about it; Trowa gave me that gun a few months ago. I wonder where he is? Before I could stop myself, a small laugh escaped my throat.

"Oh, you think this is funny." I don't respond. I just look him in his eyes. "You fucking bitch," was all he said as he pulled the trigger.

**To Review or not to Review, I hope you pick the 1st choice. LOL 8D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Raging Rain 4**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

This chapter is dedicated to BigSister2, LastxExile, Weissangel24, Kami-Crimson, MousyCoon, RogueRobin, Debs-dragon, Zodiac, France Gamble, The Wraith of Saganami and Terra.

WARNING: This is a teaser chapter! So it is very short! Very Very short…Please don't throw stuff at me. I had to make this part short because it was the original beginning of the chapter but didn't quite fit and needed to be separated. I promise to update next week. Please forgive me.

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Read, Relax and Review.

Looking down the barrel of a semiautomatic glock pistol isn't how I envisioned my death. I always thought I would go down in a blaze of glory in my beloved Sandrock with the vibrations of the hand controls being my last sensation. I just wasn't prepared to die like this; not by a pervert anyway.

The moment he pulled the trigger, I closed my eyes and flung myself to the ground. Damn, I think I injured my shoulder with that move. Mud clung to the side of my face as I fought to remain conscious. Great, this is just great. If it wasn't for Trowa, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. Damn him!

I groan in pain as my mind started to run a diagnostics check and damage report. Swollen jaw, busted lip, bruised rips, dislocated shoulder, exhaustion, overexertion, risk of pneumonia and the absence of a gunshot wound.

Due to my delayed reactions I was sure I would be hit or at the least grazed. Noting the silence of the gun and the absence of rain, I opened my eyes to an angry old trucker frantically squeezing the trigger. I forgot Trowa took the magazine out.

I slowly sat up and smirked at the older man. "There's no ammo in that gun."

His voice was furious as he responded to me. "You shut the fuck up! The trigger is just stuck." I'm not sure if I should be amused or not, but he started to look down the opening of the gun while he hit the side of it. What idiot hit's a gun while looking down its barrel? Who really intentionally looks down a gun's muzzle? Clearly, Bob wasn't the smartest in his family.

I had worse concerns then his idiocy. My body felt spent and I had no energy to get up and run away. I started feeling dizzy and sleepy. Trying not to pass out was my main focus right now. I couldn't let my physical fatigue get me killed. I have to move. I need to move.

"Shit, I think its ja…" a pain of anguish shot through me as Bob's body fell back into the mud. Darkness overcame my senses as I started to pass out. The only thing on my mind was the fact that there was still a round left in the chamber.


	5. Chapter 5

**Raging Rain 5**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Warnings: As promised…Chapter 5...and please read carefully. Because this chapter maybe confusing if you rush through it.

This chapter is dedicated to LastxExile, Weissangel24, Kami-Crimson, MousyCoon, RogueRobin, Debs-dragon, Zodiac, France Gamble, The Wraith of Saganami, NatsumiKitsune and my new buddy…Terra.

Special Shout Outs to: Big Sister2 and Sekari Sumeragi - Love you guys!!!!

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

**Read, Relax and Review.**

It's hard to describe a cold abyss without using cliché descriptors which normally include dark and lonely synonyms. Is there another way to describe it? Maybe there isn't. I guess I am stuck with adjectives like empty, destitute, and all their thesaurus' followers. However, I do have a very powerful adverb that will enhance someone else's understanding of the cold abyss I am experiencing. Let's just say it is painfully dark and lonely.

As I slowly opened my eyes, my body explodes with pain from every nerve I own. I close them immediately and will my mind to block out the discomfort. The solider in me remains outwardly still but internally ravished by numerous painful sensations. I need to be clear headed enough to take in my surroundings. Gaining focus is very hard when it feels like your body is under attack by mobile dolls.

Okay, I can do this. This really isn't that hard. Just use your senses, one at a time.

I avoid taking in a deep breath as I lay motionless on a bed. I keep my breathing and heartbeat in sync so it would appear to be no external change in my body; just in case I am being monitored. I can feel the coolness of metal against my right pinky finger. This bed must have rails to it. It could be a hospital bed. So I might be in a hospital.

I can feel an IV line in my left arm and a breathing tube against my nostrils. My chest and head seemed to be tightly wrapped with gauze. I also had tiny heart monitoring strips on my chest. I'm not sure what they are called exactly. Since my hands and feet aren't tied down, it is safe to say that no one thinks I am a threat.

Soon the beeping of the heart monitor penetrates my ears. The delay in the beeps were uncanny at first. I don't think it is humanly possible to slow down one's heart rhythm that much. Maybe something is wro…great a coughing fit. Out of all the things not to do, I do the one that causes everyone to know I am alert or at the least, awake.

The coughs radiate through my chest and explode pass my throat and mouth. I attempt to cover my mouth with my hand but my arms feel like lead. I can hear the monitoring beeps speed up as I try to mentally force myself to calm down. Something is really wrong. I feel lightheaded as the coughs make it hard for me to breathe.

This is scary as hell and I cant figure out why I cant stop these long agonizing coughs. Soon the coughs fade away, but my chest burns as my heart beats erratically against my chest cavity. Why is it so hard to breathe? I can hear someone screaming for a doctor. The frantic voice sounds so familiar. Everything seems to go fuzzy and for a moment everything went black.

I try to open my eyes again not really caring who sees me. My lids feel so heavy that it feels like an impossible task. The sound of my name being called forces me to try harder to open them.

As I slowly open my eyes, I can see the face of the person calling my name. He seems so bleary, but I can make out his smile. If it weren't for the pain in my chest and head, I would have smiled back.

I try to say his name, but a deep breathless cough came out instead. That one cough took all the reminder of any energy I thought I may have left. Maybe I caught pneumonia and that is way I am coughing like this. I just don't feel congested though.

My thoughts are interrupted by him again. Instead of saying his name, I make an attempt to smile. He is yelling at me, no wait, he is yelling at some people behind him. I can sense a lot of people in the room but my vision was still foggy.

My vision slowly clears up as I feel a numbing sensation radiate through my body. With my vision finally in focus, I glance at the IV that is producing this strange feeling. The pain in my chest, head, and body start to slowly fade away. I feel pretty good right now but I am still very confused. I wonder why my head and chest are bandaged.

"Quatre." His voice was so full of worry and concern that I didn't need my gift to sense it, but of course I felt it anyway. His emotions swarm through my head and chest like an invading army.

Normally, I can absorb and process them through my own. I learned how to do that when I was younger so foreign emotions wouldn't hurt. And boy did they hurt. The more I fought against the foreign invaders; the worst the pain was in my chest. Soon, I realized that if I just accepted the intruding feelings that they would mix and dance with my own. The emotional dance allowed me access to another person's soul and essence.

But, right now it feels like there is a rave(1) going on in my chest. Its too many people in the room and too many emotional sensations. I grasp my chest with my hand as a wispy whisper forced its way passed my lips. "Please…too many…of them."

He frowned at me for what seemed to be an eternally long second until he stood up abruptly and started to yell again. I rubbed my chest vigorously as I watched a doctor and three nurses get ushered out of the room. After much protest, he slammed the door on them and ran towards my bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much…better." My throat feels dry and scratchy, I feel nausea, and it feels like a gundam is laying on my chest.

"Do you want some water?" I nod slowly and watch him pour me a cup of water. I noticed something different about him. He looks older. I mean, he is a teenager but he looks like a grown man. Confusion wagers war in my optical nerves as I try to comprehend his appearance.

"Here, let me help you." I blink away the sensation as he puts the rim of the cup to my lips. The water is cold and refreshing. I wanted more but he removed the cup and sat it down on a nearby table. "Sorry we didn't get there in time." More confusion started to hit me as I watched him downcast his eyes. On time for what? Did something else happen? And why does…

"What are you talking about?" I felt the words leave my mouth before I was finished with my last thought.

"The terrorist attack on the Winner L4 Embassy. Heero found out they were planning to bomb it during the conference. By the time he informed me and Wufei…"

"Winner L4 Embassy?" I really didn't mean to interrupt him, but I don't know what he's talking about.

He looked confused for a second before a huge smile took over his features. "Damn, I forgot. You got knocked in your old Q Bean in the explosion. If it weren't for Trowa, you would have been dead. Man, you been in a coma for two weeks now…"

"Two weeks!" I felt frustrated and irritated…not to mention sore…why can't I remember any of this. Duo watched me in silence as I continued to take in what he had just said to me. I closed my eyes and said, "What is today's date?"

"April 21, 206." I looked at Duo as if he was crazy. He raised an eyebrow at me and asked me if I was okay. Okay isn't the word for it. Ten years! The last thing I remember was that old prev shooting himself, and that was in AC196. I cant believe this.

"Maybe I should allow the doctor to come back in."

"No." I grabbed his arm as he got up and looked seriously into his eyes. "Duo, tell me what happened at the…" I felt the urge to clear my throat. "Winner L4 Embassy."

"Okay." He sat back down next to my bed. It was hard to get use to this Duo. He looked distinguished and mature in the face. His hair was done in the same braid I remember but it seemed thinner and longer. He was wearing some type of dark blue collared shirt with a black tie. He really looked professional. The only thing that bothered me was the slight darkness under his eyes.

"Um, lets see. You were attending a conference there about the rehabilitation procedures of prisoners on the Barton Prison Colony. You just had an assassination attempt a month prior to the conference so I and the others thought we should head your security team. You following me so far."

I narrowed my eyes as I searched memory banks that I didn't seem to have access to. "A Prison Colony?"

"Yeah, some of the higher ups thought it would be a great idea to turn one of the old abandon L3 colonies into a huge prison. You and Relena were against it the moment yall heard about it."

"Maxwell!" I watched Duo nearly fall out of his seat as Wufei walked into the room. "How dare you prevent the hospital staff from doing their job when…" I smiled in amusement when Wufei realized I was awake. "I am glad to see you have awaken." He smiled at me and then turned towards Duo. "Why did you kick the staff out? He needs…"

"They were making him sick."

"What kind of sense did that make…" A cough registered in the room causing an uneasy silence between Duo and Wufei. I couldn't see who it came from but my chest started hurting again. It felt like two gundams were laying on me now. I started rubbing the area over my heart again as Heero walked into the room.

"I can hear you two down the hall." He walked past Wufei and stared at Duo until Duo got up from his seat and moved away from my bed to stand by Wufei. Heero sat down and regarded me with a genuine smile. Just like Duo, Wufei and Heero both looked eminent and professional. They all had on the same blue shirt, black ties, black slacks and polished shoes.

"Do you need me to send them away? I know its hard for you to be around emotional people when you're on morphine." It is. I guess I wouldn't know. I say no and continue my rubbing, slowly. "Do you remember what happened?"

"No, Duo was filling me in on the situation."

"What is the last thing you remember?" I look at Heero with a hint of embarrassment. I really wasn't sure if I should say I don't remember the last ten years of my life. "Quatre?"

With a deep sigh, I told him I didn't remember anything past the summer of AC196. "The last thing I remember was a mission on Earth and…" A sharp stinging sensation radiated through my chest causing me to gasp out in pain. It felt like something was penetrating my soul. I sat up and look frantically around the room as my heart started to do flip flops against my sternum. My bewildered eyes fall upon HIM. He stood in the doorway just staring at me.

I closed my eyes and fell back against the bed. The pain seem to triple in potency. It felt like a battlefield in my heart. I couldn't move or speak but my hearing wasn't effected. I could hear the heart monitor going crazy and Duo yelling. I could hear him say, "Don't just stand there, Trowa, get the doctor."

I could hear the entrance of many people as I felt myself struggle to breathe. I was literally being suffocated by a multitude of emotions.

I wish I wasn't here right now. I cant believe this might be it. Where are the last visions of my life and accomplishments? The worst part of this is not knowing the last ten years of my life. Oh Allah, is this my punishment. Am I to go to your judgment without knowing what I am being judged on.

I feel a sense of nothingness grabbing hold of me. As it spreads, my awareness starts to fade away causing a cold numbness to creep over me. I start to see nothing, feel nothing and smell nothing. My hearing starts to fade into the nothingness as I faintly hear the heart monitor beeps turn into a long uninterrupted beep. I can hear the word clear as the nothingness consumes me.

(1) Rave - large-scale club like party.


	6. Chapter 6

**Raging Rain 6**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Hey again, its me! Sorry for the delay but here goes the next chapter, I don't really like this chapter and you can tell me if you disliked it too.

This chapter is dedicated to BigSister2, Debs-dragon, Sekari Sumeragi, Terra, LastxExile, Weissangel24, Kami-Crimson, MousyCoon, RogueRobin, Zodiac, France Gamble, The Wraith of Saganami, NatsumiKitsune and my new buddy…ChilledFlame. Thanks for the support and encouragement.

**Read, Relax and Review.**

There aren't many things that irritate me, but this constant beeping tops my list. Whatever dream I was having is a faint memory as I sit up and rip those damn heart monitoring cords off my chest. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, because now its just a long loud beep.

An irritated groan escaped my throat as a nurse barged into my room. I watched her hurry over to the heart monitor and pick up those cords. She addressed me with a polite smile. "Mr. Winner, you must leave these on…what are you doing!"

It must have shocked her when I started to rip the IV needle out of my arm. With every intention of getting out of this bed, I removed the breathing tube from my face. "I am taking my leave. I no longer…" Okay, lets just say my voice fell silent when I realized I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I narrowed my eyes at the nurse and tried to keep the panic out of my voice. "Get the doctor now."

"But Mr. Winner…"

"Now!" I watched her almost run out of the room as I tried to calm down. Humiliation ran hot through my veins as I lifted the thin hospital sheet. I wanted to look but was relieved that my hospital grown was covering the source for my mortification.

My eyes shot towards the door as the doctor walked in. I didn't give him a chance to address me. "Remove it now." My voice sounded dangerous.

"Mr. Winner…"

"I don't need to hear why I needed it or need it. The fact is; I don't need it now. I am very capable. So go get the things you need to remove it…and remove it!"

"Yes, Mr. Winner. I will send the nurse in to do so." I watched the doctor leave and for the first time I noticed that I wasn't in the room alone.

"Do you have to sound so mean?"

"Do you have to be here right now?" It was hard to take the anger out of my voice as I responded to his question. He slowly walked towards the bed and stood over me with a smirk.

"It's my job. What's your excuse?"

I groaned as I glared at him. "Get out."

"Cant. Someone has to be present for any and all medical treatments and procedures."

I opened my mouth, but only a shocked sigh came out. This is beyond embarrassing. "Look…I am sure you don't have to be present for this."

"I do. It's my job."

"Stop saying that and get out!"

"Quatre, you need to compose yourself and stop acting like a baby." Disbelief etched across my face as I stared at him. I was not acting like a baby. He is out of his mind if he thinks this is nothing. "Quatre, it's just a catheter…"

"Well, stick it in your penis if you like it so much." I'm not sure where all this anger in me is coming from, but it was pouring out of me in waves.

He narrowed his eyes at me and frowned. "When did you become so vulgar?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me since you seem to know everything." I looked at him and then down at my hands. Their so different now. They're way bigger than I remember them. I turned my hands so I could look at my palms. My right palm had a distorted red circular scar on it.

The quietness of the room caused me to close my hands and looked up into his eyes. "I am sorry. It's just I don't…"

"You don't have to apologize. You have been through a lot." I had nothing to say. I just laid back down in the bed with a sigh. I could feel his worry and concern but his feelings weren't overwhelming me. "Have you remembered anything yet?"

"No." He didn't say anything as he walked away from the bed. He grabbed a chair from across the room and drug it towards me. After he sat down next to the bed, I closed my eyes and asked him a question. "Are we close friends?"

"I think so. I mean I talk to you more than I talk to the others about my personal issues. But, that is only because you pester the problems out of me." I allow myself to smile at his answer. I wonder what my life is like now. Do I have any kids? Am I married? I wanted to ask him but I was afraid to know. I wanted to know why I was so afraid to know. I wish I could just remember.

"I wish I could remember." I didn't even know the words came out of me until I felt his hand on my shoulder. He said something but I couldn't hear him. I felt a tingling sensation run over my whole body. I opened my eyes in panic.

Instead of being in a hospital room, I was standing in the middle of an office. What the Hell? I wiped my eyes with my hands in order to clear my head. Didn't seem to work. I am still standing alone in an office. I scan the office and absorb the furniture arrangements. Two huge bookcases filled with binders and a huge desk with two chairs.

I walked towards the desk and placed my hand on its oak top. It was cold and it felt real. Mental note: You are going crazy. I laugh out loud at my own comment as I explore the surface of the desk.

I looked at the name plate and business card holder and cringed. My full name faced me with a desire to be recognized and respected. I picked up a business card and wondered why my hand shook under the action. "CEO of Winner Enterprises Incorporated." I let the card fall out of my hand and onto the floor. I look at the palm of my right hand and notice that I didn't have a scar on it. I clenched my hand closed and stared at the desk in front of me.

This damn desk…what is it about this desk? I slowly walked around the desk and sat behind it. It felt right and wrong. The chair was beyond comfortable but I still felt uneasy about it. I looked at the blank computer screen and closed folders that messily decorated the top of it. It seemed like it was missing items so I looked over the side of the desk and saw picture frames, pens, knickknacks, a video phone and other various items on the floor.

I turned back to the desk and demanded silently for it to tell me about itself. When I received no answer, I let my right hand travel from the middle of the desk to the right end of it. That's when it hit me. This was my father's old desk. I must have acquired it as my own.

I cant even name the emotions that ran through me as I looked at the desk. They felt disorganized and unrelated. I felt so powerful but insignificant, proud but ashamed, happy but sad, realization and yet un-confirmation. I wanted to leave this place and never return and at the same time I wanted to stay. "Father, have I made you proud?" I knew the answer was fruitless but I asked it again anyway. "Did I do what I was born to do?" The question spilled out of me in a breathless whisper.

A voice rang in the empty office as the door opened. "Mr. Winner, Mr. Chang is here to see you."

I look at the woman at the door, but for some reason I cant make out her appearance or name. I felt like I was on autopilot as I answered her, "Thank you Stella, please send him in." I wondered how I knew her name and still not know her name. When the door closed her features were lost to me. It was like she was never really there…and…damn…what was her name again?

I let the matter drop as Mr. Chang…no wait…Wufei walked into the office and stood in front of the desk. "I'm sure you have heard by now."

Heard what? I'm not sure what he is talking about but I respond again. It felt like I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. I felt like a spectator again. "Please, sit." I watched as Wufei sat down in the other chair and sigh heavily.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be."

"How are you doing?"

"How do you think I am doing?" Okay I am too confused right now. What the hell are we talking about. This whole conversation feels like a prerecording.

"Quatre I don't know. Look I…look…I am here as a friend and not as a…"

"Not as a what! Not as the Preventer slash friend that should have informed me before the media did."

"I was following protocol."

"What's the protocol for friends you consider brothers?" I felt myself standup before that last phrase was uttered.

"I'm sorry."

"No, Wufei. I am sorry. I should have never exploded like that. Not to you…not to anyone. It is my fault she is gone. Iria had no business being at that shuttle station but I guess she wanted to pick me up. I was suppose to be on that shuttle that blew up at that station but Trowa made me miss its launch."

My heart sank as I listened to myself talk. Sorrow over whelmed me as everything seem to go black. I could feel someone squeezing my shoulder. "Quatre, Quatre!"

I opened my eyes and looked tearfully into deep brown ones. "She's gone, Iria. Is she really gone?"

I watched him close his eyes and whisper, "Yes, for four years now." It was then I realized I was lying in the hospital bed. I wanted to grieve and cry but I forced myself to sit up and take a deep breath. I watched as he sat back in his chair and waited for me to say something.

I wanted to but I was more focused on the flashback I just had. My sister was gone. How many others had died? I decided I wasn't ready to ask that question and pressed my emotions back so they wouldn't spill out. I wasn't going to re-mourn the past.

It felt like an eternity of silence between us. I could tell he was uncomfortable and so was I. The silence was uncanny until I decided to break it. "Where the hell is that damn nurse? I really got to pee."

He let an amused huff escape him before he responded to me. "I will go see what's taking her so long." He stood up and walked towards the door. "Since you don't want me present for the procedure, I will have Duo sit through it with you."

"You wouldn't dare." He smirked and closed the door before I could say anything else.

A/N Okay I decided not to have a cliffy…BUT the next chapter will be really intense.


	7. Chapter 7

**Raging Rain 7**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Um okay I um did have this chapter written but I got um…caught up…um…well you see I started watching some anime and um…well it was really good and I wanted to watch all of them so I um…well when it was time to reread the story to check for errors and stuff…all I could do was think about watching some more anime. So I am really sorry to all of you who actually wait for me to update. Now that I think about it…is there anyone who really waits for me to update? Oh before I forget, I would like to thanks these guys for sticking by me [ BigSister2, Debs-dragon, Chilled Flame and FranceGamble…or is it that they like the fic more than me…hmmm…I never really thought about it like that. Um…well…wow…does anyone out there like me for me…

Special Thanks to my new readers Kirihana, Wolfje, darkanger, anyway, meicdon13, Nef, .Serenity. and Akito Sohma.

**Read, Relax and Review.**

Painful irritation crept through my veins as I tried to block out the horrifying and embarrassing procedure being done by a blatant inexperienced nurse. I wanted to kill her every time she said sorry about that. I thought this was a simple in and out kind of thing, but no, she had to take her precious time…and Wufei…that bastard was just looming behind her and some other dumb nurse who was holding a metal tray.

It felt awkward laying on my back with my knees in the air like this. I guess if he wasn't in the room right now it wouldn't have been so bad, but no, he had to have his…okay…I really got to get a hold of myself. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"All done Mr. Winner." I slowly lowered my legs to the bed and turned to the side. As I clutched the thin hospital sheet to my body like a lifeline, I asked to be left alone. I could feel the disagreement radiating from Wufei but he and the nurses left the room without so much of a sound.

After a couple of tense filled minutes, I slowly rose from the bed by placing my bare feet on the cold linoleum floor. I reached for the gauze and medical tape around my head and started removing them. Once I removed the bandages from around my chest, I looked around the room until my eyes fell upon the door.

As I made my way towards the door, I studied its characteristics and touched the cold metal handle. I felt possessed as I ran away from the door and towards the only chair in the room. I slammed the chair against the door and wedged it under the door handle.

Somehow the IV rack ended up in my hand, so I threw it at the heart monitor. My fingers itched to destroy, decimate, and eliminate anything solid within my grasp. Waves of anger, frustration, and humiliation raced through my veins as I flipped the bed over. My heart beat was racing and my lungs burned with an intensity that reflected the franticness of my actions. Soon, I heard knocking and shouting at the door. I stared at the door for three seconds before pushing the bed frame over to it so no one could get in.

I turned my attention back to the room and realized that the only thing left was a tiny table with a cup and a water pitcher on it. I had no desire to flip that over so I focused on a large metal clip board laying in the middle of the small room. I picked it up and read my medical chart. Words like coma, concussion, collapsed lung, amnesia, and severe heart arrhythmia swarm through my head as I tried to read. The tiny black letters seem to waltz around the white paper making me feel dizzy and disoriented.

I dropped the chart and closed my eyes at the sound of the metal board hitting the ground. Another range of sounds penetrated my mind, the shouting and the banging on the door was growing louder. I could hear Duo cursing at the top of his lungs, Trowa and Heero grunting as they took turns at the door, and Wufei's demands for me to open it. Its funny how Wufei's voice reminded me I had to pee.

I stepped over a pillow and walked towards the tiny bathroom. Once I was inside, I locked the door to it and stared at the toilet. Time seemed to stand still as I contemplated on my behavior. Was any of that necessary? Only a child would…oh yeah I got to go.

I felt like a robot as I mechanically went through the motions of relieving myself. It wasn't until I flushed the toilet, that I realized I haven't seen it.

I let my fingers explore the cold smooth surface of the mirror as my eyes drank in the visage before them. A strong and sharp jaw line highlighted the bottom of an oval face while ragged pale strands of hair playfully covered the ears from sight. I frown at my reflection as I notice my eyes and forehead. My eyes looked dim and tired due to the darkness that decorated the skin beneath them.

My forehead had a huge vertical gash starting from the corner of my left eyebrow and disappearing into my hairline and hair. A small sigh escapes me as I try to count the stitches holding the torn skin together. I lean over the sink to have a better view in the mirror. With my fingers, I start to divide my hair into a part so I could see how far the gash went. After realizing that I could no longer see, I continued to feel my way across the wound until it ended at the back of my head.

Another sigh rushed out as I looked back into the mirror. I looked at myself again. Twenty five...twenty five years old…ten years…who am I now? Whose face is this? Is it my father's or mine? I closed my eyes and concentrated on any more memories, knowledge or data I could drag up. Nothing. Just nothing.

Explosion, concussion, coma…Heero, Duo, Wufei…Trowa. Trowa. I looked at the mirror one last time before I washed my hands. After drying them off, I stepped back into the sterile room and looked at the mess I created.

So here I am now, fully relieved and standing in the middle of a chaotic and quiet hospital room. "Do you feel better now?" I glanced at the voice coming from the man leaning against the wall with his arms folded just below his chest.

I looked down at the scar on my hand and wondered how he got in without me noticing him or sensing his presence. "No." I looked up and turned my attention to the door that I barricaded with the chair and bed frame. The door was still barricaded. I turn my eyes back on him. "How?"

"The window." Okay, I didn't even notice a window in the room. I scanned the room again and saw a small open window behind the heart monitor. I slowly made my way over to it. Small wasn't a good term for it…more like tiny. If anyone could fit though this window, it would definitely be him.

"Wufei, told us that you remembered something." I continued to look out of the small window. It was raining outside.

"Aren't we on a colony?"

"Yes."

"Wow, the holograms of the night sky and the moon are amazing, but is this rain economical?"

"I wouldn't know, but you spear headed the program that would allow climate changes and holographic time and nature displays for the colonies. You said it would increase travel and tourism between the colonies and Earth due to the curiosity of comparing Nature with a computer generated one."

"I said all that, huh?" I slowly turned away from the window, slid down the wall and hugged my knees. "I guess I have a lot of influence." I looked up at him and noticed he hadn't move an inch. "Did it work?"

He raised an eyebrow and said, "Pardon?"

"The increase in travel and tourism."

"Yes, the amount of the increase in revenue was unexpected by the Intergalactic Transportation Department." He let a small laugh escape him as he closed his eyes. "It's funny you know…how you cant remember the last ten years of your life and yet you are still able to talk about business."

"I guess I am like my father." When those words slid pass my lips, I immediately regretted them and wished I could inhale them back. How childish and stupid can I really be? Where's a deep hole when you need one?

"No, you're not." I watch him move towards the door and push the bed frame aside in order to retrieve the chair that was wedged under the door handle. I had nothing to say at the moment so I just waited and followed his movements with my eyes. He leisurely moved the chair in front of me and sat in it.

I know he is going to try to give me some speech on my daddy issues that I really didn't want to hear right now…what to do…what to do? Before he could speak again, a big smile stretched across my face as I asked, "Are we close?"

If he was taken back by my change in mood and demeanor, he didn't show it. "I would say fairly close."

For some reason, hoards of questions started buzzing in my head to the point that some flew passed my lips. "How close are we?"

"Well, out of all your friends and family, you see me almost everyday since I am the head of your security and surveillance team."

"Because I see you everyday, doesn't make us close."

"It does when Duo works your last nerve; I am normally the one you complain to."

"How long have you been my head of security?"

"Six years."

"Wow, I must be a great boss."

"Not really, but the dental plan is great."

I let an amused huff escape me as I took in the new information. I needed to know more. "Do I have any kids?"

"No."

"Am I married?"

"No."

"Do I have a girlfriend?"

With an amused smile, he said no. It feels like I am missing something. Oh no. Could it be that I am…that…um…yeah. Oh Allah, how have I been living my life?

"Quatre, are you okay?"

Huh…"Um, yeah, I am fine." The night in the cabin flashed through my mind. That kiss. Trowa. What the hell? "Um, am I involved with anyone?"

"Do you remember being involve with anyone?" Who answers a question with a question? I am the one with amnesia, remember. I mean…oh…are we? My mind feels so confused right now. I'm not sure if I am or not. Okay, I'm not making any sense. Okay, just breath and use logic with this situation.

He is waiting on me to answer him. Okay, first things first. I don't have any kids, I don't have a wife, and I don't have a girlfriend. The fact that he answered my question with another question leads me to believe that I am either A: involved with a, um, okay…a man, B: involved with…him, or C: he is joking with me. I am hoping for C because if it is B that means he would want me to remember him and I.

"Quatre?"

I mean really, how am I suppose to remember a life changing lifestyle like that.

"Quatre?"

I have amnesia, so I don't think he should be getting mad if I don't remember our relationship. What the hell am I talking about? I'm not gay. Why is the room spinning?

"Quatre!"

Why is he yelling my name? Why is the floor on my face? Why is it so dark…why…

A/N: Ummm…please don't be mad at how I ended this chapter…um…please…


	8. Chapter 8

**Raging Rain 8**

By Markanovanlink

Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Bad Words, Violence and Suspense)

Pairings 3x4

Um…nothing really to say except for this chap is kind of a teaser…um…hope you like it!

Thanks goes out to my new fic readers NatsumiNeko, Kirihana, Bunch-o-Nuts, Koshi, Sekisen, and Emersyn.

This chapter is dedicated to BigSister2, Debs-dragon and Chilled Flame.

**Read, Relax and Review.**

Sweet warm darkness flooded the essence of my soul as my mind drifted along the waves of an inky sea. I feel relaxed, serene, peaceful and…and…what is that irritating noise? I forced my eyelids open so I can find out where that horrible noise was coming from. It sounded like metal and cement being grinded up in a blender.

A slight headache started to form as I rose slowly from the bed and checked my surroundings. Great, I am still in this stupid hospital bed. I just cant understand where that awful sound is coming…

I should have known. Sitting to the left of my bed was a gundam pilot who could snore the rust off of metal. He was slumped over in his chair with a magazine sprawled across his lap. My fingers itched with desire to throw a pillow at him, but the cover of the magazine stopped me.

It was a photo of me. I quietly reached out and retrieved it. With the book finally in my possession, I watched him choke on a snore and move a little. My heart started to beat faster in my chest. For some reason I didn't want him to wake up. With his eyes still closed, he shifted by slumping over to his left side. My pulse gradually returned to normal as his snores started to resound and echo off the walls of the room again.

I accepted his snores, as one would elevator music, and focused on the flimsy printed material in my hands. The magazine's title was extremely weird, "12th Letter #4." My face decorated the cover along with a multitude of texts. I was so entranced by my face I fell to notice the title that accompanied it, "Boy Billionaire's Secret Gay Lover."

A gasp escaped as I stared at the words…secret…gay…I swallowed hard before the word lover entered my thoughts. Am I really? Are we? No, I mean…no…it can't be. Bewilderment, fear, and anxiety gripped me as I tried to open the book. How can I be afraid of a magazine? If I am gay, than I am gay and I will deal with it.

Allah, please help me through this. Another gasp ripped through me as I realized that I might have turned my back on my religion. Have I truly disgrace my family and left Allah's guidance. Have I? I need to know.

Anxiety surged within my bones as I flew through the publication's pages in search of a media-related-personal-enlightenment. My body and actions froze before a double page spread of me and him laying on a beach towel together. The photo showed our shirtless upper bodies with him positioned over me. Our faces were so close that his wet bangs fanned across my forehead. It seemed like we were just about to kiss each other.

I could feel the heat rising in my face as I clutched the pamphlet in my right hand. Murderous fireworks flared behind my eyes as I quickly jumped out of bed. My thoughts danced in mass confusing as I flexed my left arm. My blood steamed in and out my heart and through my veins. I felt craziness, anger and embarrassment as one emotion.

This sensational triad caused me to strike out. Oh, how he deserves my vengeance. "Wake up!"

A sleep induced ex-terrorist slowly opened his eyes just as my pillow collided with his face. The force of the impact caused him to tip over in the chair and fall. "What the…what the Hell was that for?"

I stormed over to where he sat on the floor and shoved the magazine in his face. "What is this?"

He directed his eyes up at me with an annoyed look and yawned. "Ugh, what's with all the noise? I was having a great dream too." I maintained my position and pushed the periodical closer to his face. "I don't understand why you seem so upset?" I stepped back after he snatched it out of my hand and stood up. "Is this why you're so upset?"

The tension I felt slowly melted away as sadness started to enter my soul. I watched him drop the magazine and straighten his tie with a long sigh. The words, "you really don't remember," were said so low that I barely heard them.

Was I with him? Is he? I mean…he and I. "Remember what?" The question flew pass my senses. I wasn't even sure if that was the question I should be asking now.

"Me."

My response to him was winded. "You?" His expression showed his inner feelings so obliviously that I felt responsible for them. "I mean, what should I remember? I know you are a really huge part of my life. Um, it feels like it, but I just don't know the details." If that doesn't make him feel better, I'm not sure what will at the moment.

A small smile appeared on his face as he approached me. The shift in his emotions caused me to back away from him. My retreat was short lived due to me falling back on the bed. He continued to come closer until I was sprawled out on the bed beneath him.

Five thousand alarms went off in my head as I tried to understand how he ended up on top of me. He was so close that I could feel his hair tickling my forehead. "Do you want me to help you remember?"

I am not sure what to think or feel or anything. I…I…is he getting closer to me. Allah, I don't know what to do. I…um… "No." I whispered the word so low that I'm not even sure if I actually said it.

I can feel my heart racing and my hands getting sweaty. I think I'm scared. I mean really scared of this. I don't think I want this. No, wait. I don't want this.

He leaned in closer and said, "You will remember after this."

There was no escape for me. My limbs wont move and my mouth isn't working. Is he really going to kiss me?

"What are you two doing?" We both turned towards the voice to see Trowa walking through the door.

A/N: Hehehehehehehe, can you guess who?


	9. Chapter 9

**Raging Rain 9  
**By Markanovanlink  
Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Violence and Suspense) Pairings 3x4

I would like to thank everyone for their reviews and patience. I had a few misfortunes and needed to put my feet back on solid ground before I could update.  
Did everyone guess right?

_**Read, Relax and Review.**_

"What are you two doing?" We both turned towards the voice to see Trowa walking through the door.

I felt frozen in place after locking eyes with Trowa. I think I feel guilty, but why?

"I am making him remember." After that statement, I turned my attention back to see him lean in closer to my face. Anticipation and fear surged through my skin while something in the back of my mind started to crack. I could feel something breaking inside my deep subconscious.

Within a millisecond, a vision flashed before me that left no traces of imagery; only information. Mere centimeters before his face made contact with mine, I hissed out, "If you lick me, I will kick you."

A huge smile appeared on his face. My statement pleased him so that he hugged me. Tightly, might I add…more like a breathless embrace. I managed to wheeze out that I couldn't breathe.

His smile only grew after he released me from his death grip. I sat up slowly after he slid off the bed. "I knew you would remember. Who could forget something like that?"

"Like what?" Trowa's question caused him to pick up the magazine and sling it across the room. I followed the periodical's flight until it landed in Trowa's grasp. A small smile spread across his features after inspecting the glossy cover. "I never knew you had a gay lover?"

I could feel my face frown at his remark and said, "neither did I."

After a few flicks through the pages, he stared at the double page spread. "You and Quatre make a great couple. When did this happen?"

There was a weird tension rising in the air between him and Trowa. A hidden anger was being held down in both of them. I wonder why? "Right under your nose, Mr. Barton. You cant watch him 24/7."

"Damn it Duo, don't start this right now." The anger in his voice amazed me. I don't think I have ever heard him use a heated voice…that I can remember anyway. I looked from Trowa to Duo and sighed.

Duo heard me and decided to end the predestined argument. He held up his hand and spoke softly, "Look, I'm sorry. If you must know, it happened a week before that explosion." Duo walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. "You needed to get away and have some fun. So I kinda kidnapped you. I made sure none of your security staff knew about it." His deep violet eyes darted from me to Trowa. When his gaze fell back on me, a huge smile sprouted. "I took you to the X15 Colony Beach, but you were to stressed to really enjoy yourself. So I planted a wet one on you."

He took a quick glance at Trowa before clearing his throat. "I knew you yelling at me would relax you a bit. I wasn't really thinking that we were being watched. I forget how famous you are sometimes. So I guess some paparazzi snapped a few shots of me licking you down. I didn't know until the day of that conference. I saw the mag with ya face on it and grabbed it. I thought we would have a good laugh about it, but…you know the rest."

"Duo, something could have happened to him."

"Well, if you were doing your job correctly, you would have known about it."

"Guys! Really, what's going on with you two?" I could feel tension growing between them.

"You haven't told him, have you?" A feeling of dread shot through me after Duo ended his question.

Trowa said nothing and for a long time it was silent. Their erratic emotions started to wear down on me so I said the only thing I could think to say. "I really need some air. Hey Duo, do you think you can go get me some real clothes so I can get out of here." It was like magic, Duo had that mischievous grin plastered on his face as he brushed passed Trowa on his way out the door.

Before he could protest, I said, "Please, I really need some air."

He looked at me and sighed deeply. "Fine, but I am going with you two."

"That's fine with me. So what is it that you haven't told me?"

His body language didn't change nor did his facial features but his emotions changed in a way that made them hard to read or decipher. I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I guess you're not going tell me, huh?" Silence was my only answer. He could be so stubborn at times.

I slowly stood up while taking in his appearance. His clothes were identical to what the others had on. His auburn hair still fell forward and hid certain facial features. He really looks much older and taller then I last remembered. "How tall are you now?" Why do questions seem to pass my lips before they visit my brain?

"Six feet and two inches."

"Oh." I'm not really sure what to say next. All I know is that this awkward tension in the room is killing me.

I made my way over to him and exaggeratedly stared at his chest. After ten seconds of doing so, he released an amused sigh and asked what I was doing. Without looking up, I told him to look straight ahead. I could feel his hesitation, but he did it. Silence passed between us for awhile until he finally asked what I was doing.

"Are you still looking straight ahead?"

"I am, but…"

"Shh. Just keep looking straight ahead." A small laugh escaped me as I tried to hold back my amusement.

"Quatre, what…"

"Can you see me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Can you see me?"

"Only if I look down five feet."

I nudged him in the chest playfully with my hand. "I'll have you know that I am of normal height, and anyone taller than myself is a freak." I am so glad that the tension is finally gone.

He looked down at me with a snarky grin and said, " you shouldn't take your vertically challenged issues out on me."

Before I could retort, a way of dizziness shot through me. I could feel the force of gravity pull down on me. The only thing that stopped my descent was a pair of strong arms and a chest. I feel really weak right now. Strange emotions surged and danced around my heart causing my eyes to shut. I slowly exhaled and allowed myself to merge with them.

"Why do you feel this way about me?" The question passed my lips before any cognitive thought could receive it. Did I really want to know the answer to this question? Did I really want to know why his emotions were begging me to understand and accept? Understand and accept…what?

He tighten his grip on me and asked if I was okay. I cant stand this. His evasive ways. I slowly opened my eyes and ignored the uncomfortable proximity of our closeness. "Just tell me why?"

His response was just as enigmatic as the enigma that stood in front of me. "You already know."

Frustration ran through me as I yelled, "I don't." I tried to push away from him. Escape his physical grasp on me. His mental one. Emotional one. His hold on me tighten and I fell limp against him. "Why is this so complicated? Why do you refuse to tell me what I do not know? I don't remember. I don't know." I could feel the tears threaten to fall. Damn it. I hate you Trowa. Why are you making me feel like this?

"What do you remember?" I allowed my forehead to rest against his black tie before the word 'cabin' whispered its way free. That one word left me feeling exposed. Like an open book left on a coffee table with its text highlighted in yellow. Why do I feel so inclined to give in to his every question; only for him not to. This is bull. I don't want to deal with this right now.

"I see." His voice was low and deep. "You remembered our first kiss." FIRST KISS. You mean there was more than one. Just as I was about to rant, rave and deny, his hand slid under my chin and raised it. He locked eyes with me with a look that I can't describe. Not in words. This look made me feel so vulnerable and rendered me motionless…but, not speechless.

"What am I to you?" My voice was low and unsteady, but his response was strong and sure. His response was one word. A word that encompassed a vast array of meanings and questions. A word, that if used properly, could break down barriers. Oh how my barriers crumbled before him and this stupid little word.

"Everything." This one word allowed his lips resistless travel towards my face. He kissed my fore head and then slowly tilted my head upward with his fingers that grazed along my chin and right cheek. I could feel his presence edge closer towards my lips. My eyes slid shut as eagerness and panic generated and jumped from one hair follicle to the next, all over my body. Do I really want this to happen? I am not ready for something like this. I can't be this for him. I am not…I mean I am just not…gay.

My sense of time slowed as his lips got closer to mine. Seconds seem to melt away as our breath interlaced between our imminent contact. I could feel just how close his lips were to mine. They never found their mark due to the horrified gasp that radiated through the room. It was followed by, "Get your hands off my fiancé."


	10. Chapter 10

**Raging Rain 10  
**By Markanovanlink  
Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Violence and Suspense) Pairings 3x4

This chapter is dedicated to BigSister….Love you lots…

**_Warning:_** Teaser…Teaser…Teaser…Shortest chapter in all of fan fic history.

I broke the chapter up because the first two paragraphs cause so much chaos…hehehehehehe…don't hate me…

I promise to have the next chapter by the end of next week…

_**Read, Relax and Review.**_

"Get your hands off my fiancé."

I pushed Trowa away from me with such force that I almost lost my balance. Fiancé! I gave all my attention to the person that was leaning against the door. Regretful Blue eyes made connection with mine. I begged the owner of those eyes for clarification. Without breaking eye contact, I repeated the word Fiancé and pointed to Trowa. Those eyes slowly slid close as the owner of them gave me a head gesture that signified no. I pointed to myself and received a nod.

"Heero, I…" I want to say something to him. I need more information. "But Trowa said…I have no…" I am so confused right now. I am not making any sense. I looked at Heero and searched his eyes for any possibility that this was a mistake. At that moment, I realized that Heero had never once lied to me and he was someone who would always be honest with me no matter the situation. There are no memories that could confirm that, but there is this strong emotional bond I feel with him that proves it.

"Quatre," His voice was soft and sad. "You had a fiancé."


	11. Chapter 11

**Raging Rain 11  
**By Markanovanlink  
Rated R (Yaoi, POV, Violence and Suspense) Pairings 3x4

Sorry, I am a week late...my bad...finals sneak up on me...

This chapter is dedicated to those who review and give my ultra bad ego a boost: Triolet, Roxy McGee, Eternitysky, Yurikitsune and of course my BigSister!!!!!

**_Warning:_** ummmm…didn't spell check…hehehehehehehehehe…

**A/N:** For those of you who are reading this fic and notice the inconsistence verb tense changes; keep in mind that I am writing based on my interpretation of how this character mentally responds to his current and semi-current surroundings, events and conditions. In other words, I want to stay true to the real nature of my own personally conceived notion of a complex mind by giving realistic thought responses that are both past, present, and future. When was the last time your thought structure followed the rules of perfect grammar? Hell naw, I know mines don't…see, that sentence was grammatically butchered…see hows I thinks…LOL

As Promised…this chapter is available in present tense and HD.

_**Read, Relax and Review.**_

"Quatre," His voice sounds soft and sad. "You had a fiancé."

A deep sigh rang through the air as he directs his eyes towards Trowa. "I see you haven't told him yet."

"What do you mean he had a fiancé? He has a fiancée. Please, get your French correct next time. Now, I would like to know why I haven't been allowed to see my fiancé but this perverted circus freak has."

I feel angry. But why? I look at the third person in the room who, just moments ago, proclaimed me as her fiancé. Am I angry at her, Trowa, or both. I feel anger, hurt and betrayal at the same time. I wish I could remember why. Why do I feel this way? I look at Heero and realize that he is emitting some of the same emotions I am.

I slowly focus on her and take in her features. She looks about the same as I remember. She is taller and more womanly mature. Yes indeed, those breasts are really huge. Her hair is shoulder length now and her eyebrows are neatly arched. She is really beautiful. I would have never thought of her as attractive in the past, but now… "Please Miss Catalonia, don't use such inappropriate inclinations. I am sorry…but at the moment I am suffering from memory loss. I am also sorry I don't remember our engagement."

"Don't apologize to that harpy!" Duo rushes pass Heero and stops in front of Dorothy. "Get the Hell out of here. I already told you that you couldn't see him."

"Why not, he is my…"

"No he is not. Your little colony bumping with Trowa killed anything you would ever have with Quatre."

I feel really light headed. I slowly back my way to the hospital bed and sit down. I look over at Trowa who is calmly watching Duo and Dorothy argue. I guess I don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize that I was once engaged to Dorothy and that she cheated on me with Trowa. The scar on my hand really itches. Uh…this is just so confusing and irritating. This guy claims I am everything to him…and he sleeps with my fiancée.

"Is it true?" My question causes silence to befall on all in the room. I look at Dorothy and I can feel the regret coming out of her pores. No answer comes from her. I turn towards Trowa. "You slept with her, knowing that we were engaged?"

"Yes." His voice is so calm and collective. There is no regret or remorse in his response whatsoever.

I am not sure how I should feel about this. I don't remember being with Dorothy. I don't remember this commitment. Even though one of my closest friends slept with my woman, I feel somewhat relieved that I don't have to get married. But I still need to know why he would do such a thing in the first place. "Why did you do it?"

"So you wouldn't marry her."

"Why?"

With a smirk, he says, "you know why?" That's it! He is getting on my nerves. I think I am starting to hate him now and it seems like I am not the only one. I can feel the rage generating from Dorothy.

"You arrogant bastard!" Dorothy pushes Duo to the side and approaches me. As Dorothy gives me a genuine smile, I try to stay focus on her and not the scene going on behind her of Heero holding back an irate Duo. She looks at me and says my name and slowly holds out her hand. I take her hand into mine and she gracefully slides into a sitting position in front of me on the floor. "Quatre, I am not going to beg and plead for your forgiveness. You know it is not my style. I understand and I am sorry for the pain I have caused you even though you do not remember it. I will wait for you to get better, and maybe than, we can have a discussion without all these distractions." Without letting go of my hand, she stands up. "I love you."

"Then…why?" I look up at her. I need to know why I am feeling this horrible pain in my chest. I must have really loved her at one time. My grip on her hand tightens. I feel so much confusion, hurt and lost. I repeat the word "why" again and let her hand go.

She leans in close to my ear and whispers, "I will explain when you are better." She turns towards Trowa and says, "this isn't over." I watch her walk out of the room.

"Are you okay?" I look up at Duo and say I am fine. I think I am anyway. I just need time to process all of this. "Do you want me to kick him out?" I raise an eyebrow and realize he is talking about Trowa. The question is…am I really mad at Trowa? I don't feel angry at him for sleeping with Dorothy. I should, but I don't.

"If he wants me to leave, he knows how to do so."

"Trowa, you know what…I wasn't even fucking talking to you!"

"Why do you always have to use obscenities when you talk to me?"

"Why not. In case you haven't freaking figured it out, I don't like you. If it wasn't for Quatre, I would have killed you that day he walked in on yall."

"Duo, Stop! Just stop it. Quatre needs his rest. He doesn't need you two arguing over this shit." I watch Heero, Duo and Trowa exchange words. I guess I could care less at this point. I just want to go home. Funny, I don't even know or remember where that is. Are they still arguing? I take a deep breath and lay down on the bed.

Wufei comes into the room followed by a nurse. Wufei shakes his head as he maneuvers around the trio and stands to the right side of my bed. The nurse goes to the left side of the bed. "Sorry to interrupt your quality time with the fellows but the doctors informed me that they need to run some blood tests on you. Is it okay if the nurse draws some blood?"

"Yes, that's fine with me. I'm just watching the show." Wufei responds by smiling at me. I am glad he is here. I feel a lot less anxious now. We both watch the guys continue to argue as the nurse prepares my arm for the needle.

Many things can happen in a second. For some reason I never saw Trowa move. One second he is arguing with Duo and the next…he is holding a gun to the nurse's head. The entire scene in the room is frozen. I am laying on the bed with my left arm in the nurse's left hand. Her right hand is holding a syringe about two inches away from my skin. Her eyes are looking down a gun barrel that is in Trowa's left hand. Behind Trowa are Heero and Duo. On the right side of my bed is Wufei. No one breathes. No one makes a sound.

Trowa is the first to break the silence. "Authorization Code now." His voice sounds so intense. Is he really going to shoot the nurse? I fight the urge to pull my arm out of her grasp. I look at the syringe and notice that there is something in it already. Oh Allah!


End file.
